Doctor, Heal Thy Wounded Inner Child

Heal Thy Wounded Inner Child

Heal Thy Wounded Inner Child

 

That voice in your head (that you think is you) causes most of your problems.

Are you ready for the message: you are not the voice inside your head?

Not only is the “monkey mind” in your head not ‘you’ (it is your ego), but it is the cause of suffering in your life. Depression if the thoughts are of the past; anxiety if the thoughts are of the future. The voice inside your head is your wounded inner child’s now maladaptive attempts to defend themselves against the small ‘t’ traumas we all face when young—even if you had a “good” or “normal” childhood.

Become free from your past; be brave and face the deeper reasons behind your suffering. Meet your inner child.

“A belief is really only a thought that you keep thinking” ~Abraham-Hicks

 

What Is Your Inner Child?

Before we can talk about healing your inner child, what is your inner child?

A newborn child is complete, compassionate love- just, whole, and brand new to the universe. You were once that newborn, and you were once entirely deserving of everything the universe has to offer. But you forgot.

Still, you have the power to set a process in motion, to hold a vision for a better life, to wake up every morning and say, “it is a joy and a relief to be myself.” It’s as simple as choosing that you deserve self-love.

Your inner child is you. She is still in there and deserves compassion and care. Will you find her again, or will you continue to let the monkey mind control you and keep you rutted to behaviors that don’t serve you?

Let’s meet your inner child.

 

How to Wound a Perfectly Good Inner Child

Without getting too much into attachment theory, we are originally one with our mother (caregiver) and eventually become our own individuated selves. This separation causes the (small ‘t’) trauma—the wound to the inner child.

These wounds manifest through thought patterns, reactions to triggers, and the programming that becomes your personality, which drives your mood. In essence, who you think you are if you think you are the thoughts that flit through your head.

You must recognize that these thought patterns are not you to return to the truth of who you are. Instead, they are the wound—old defenses constructed as you ruptured from your attached infant into an individual person. These old defenses no longer serve us (they were important at the time to protect the young you) and are now maladaptive.

Adolescence causes further trauma as you rupture from your family to your peer group. This tug of war you know you must lose becomes the pervasive thought that fills your head. They could be shame, anxiety, grief, self-esteem or self-image issues, perfectionism, or any “story you tell yourself” message that is not self-compassionate and loving.

Would you tell a newborn baby the thoughts you tell yourself? Does she “deserve” to think those thoughts? And what about your children—would you treat your son or daughter the way you treat yourself in your mind’s eye?

Those thoughts are not you; they are your wounded inner child.

 

You cannot heal what you are unwilling to see

Hopefully, we can jar a few thoughts loose in your head and get you thinking about thinking more self-affirming thoughts.

Sure, you can continue beating up the gunner in your mind, and you have done pretty well with that so far. But at what cost? How is your health and your primary relationships? How is your “mood? ” Do you have anger issues? Depression or burnout? Any patterns of behavior you might want to improve?

You cannot heal what you are unwilling to see.

Accepting that we all face unloving self-talk is the first step. Accept it. You don’t even have to dig into your childhood memories and address the wounding (though it might help if you do); you have to accept that it is there and recognize that it is not you. The much younger you, who did not have your adult resources, slip-shodenly positioned these defenses. Chances are these half-baked defense mechanisms (which we now think is “who I am”) are maladaptive; they no longer serve you.

Notice them. Notice the thoughts and be curious why you have them. Actually, feel them. And then accept them. And let them pass.

There it is.

There it is again.

Huh, there it is.

Of course, of course, there it is.

That’s right. You need to accept that you have these thoughts (you are not the thoughts) and say, ‘Huh, there it is again.’

Then, get to ‘of course, there it is again.’

See it. Feel it. Think about thinking it. This meta-cognition is your unrecognized superpower. How you think about your thinking is how you heal.

 

Healing the Wounded Inner Child

Once you are conscious and curious of your thoughts, you might be able to let them be, crest, and then go. That’s all a thought is, a fleeting moment. It doesn’t have to spike your cortisol and make you react to the saber-toothed tiger. Between stimulus and response, says a wise man, is your freedom. You cannot control what people say, but you can control how you respond.

It’s that simple. Notice, don’t react. Instead, process and then respond.

That’s what meditation, yoga, scented candles, energy healing, and all this self-care is about. It is moving you from reaction to response. Getting you out of the ruts that no longer serve you. Treat yourself and all around you like a newborn (or like you would treat your children), being kind to yourself and others as a way of life. That self-care allows you to take care of others.

You are not your feelings, emotions, or personality. Don’t let them run your life. Instead, practice self-compassion and speak compassionately to your thoughts and feelings. Honor yourself (and honor the universe) by accepting yourself.

 

Self-Acceptance vs. Self-Esteem

It all starts with self-acceptance. Do you know that self-esteem muck they taught us in middle school? It harmed generations of children. You don’t need good self-esteem where we all have to be above average and which is contingent on external validation and success seen through the eyes of others. You need self-acceptance.

I am exactly who I am. What you see is what you get. I am me, and that is perfectly good enough. I love myself, and that allows me to love others.

Not love that is conditional, contingent on performing the right way, people-pleasing, putting yourself down, or acting just right to get your parental approval fix. Not the right façade for the right situation.

You deserve love for being just who you are. If you can accept that, you don’t need self-esteem because you have self-compassion. If you can accept who you are enough, you might grow to love yourself, which will enable you to love others and, thus, the work you do every day.

It is that revolutionary: accept yourself and be courageous enough to face the good in you (which we are told to tamp down for fear of burning too bright) and all that is odd or wrinkled or what actually makes you you.

I honor my thoughts, and I accept them just as they are. I treat myself kindly and with compassion. I notice and honor my suffering. But I am not my monkey mind. I am not suffering.

 

“When we know how to suffer, we suffer much, much less” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Heal They Wounded Inner Child

Heal your wounded inner child through Self-Acceptance.

I love myself- not in an arrogant, conceited, or egotistical way- but because I’m flawed and I’m good. I’m just who I am, and that is perfectly good enough.

Once you understand self-acceptance (who knew you were supposed to accept yourself?), you will have unlocked the key to visiting and comforting your wounded inner child.

Inner child work (or inner child healing) is a process that can start whenever you are ready. The first step is to get curious about your thinking. Create space to think about your thoughts. Hello, is that me there thinking, or maybe something else that no longer serves me? I’m curious. I will sit with that thought for a second and see where it goes.

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