17 Rules of Self-Love

 

1. I love myself

This is the only rule you need. But these are some thoughts that helped me climb out of rock bottom.

You can have unrelenting self-love! Just decide you love yourself. And:

2. I don’t accept other’s rules—I make my own

High school in the 80s and 90s seemed mostly about fitting in and being like everyone else. And the comparisons and keeping up with the Joneses. That garbage plugged my carotids for decades. It stopped blood flow to my cerebral cortex, and I couldn’t think.

But I no longer accept those rules. Other people’s rules echo in your mind—are those rules serving you? Who are you? Clarify your rules. Boundaries and time spent in the moment are all things you choose every day. Have a revelation that you can choose who you are every day.

 

3. I am 100% authentic

 

Above, I express myself so people can love me, leading to affirmative self-love. This is healthy. When you are 100% authentic, you express yourself and then allow others to love you because you love yourself.

When you accept yourself, you can be 100% authentic.

4. I say “no” to things that don’t align with my values

What are your values? These are mine: Honesty, Communication, Appreciation, Authenticity, Compassion, Consideration, Harmony, Autonomy, Inclusion, Love, Self-Respect, Creativity, Growth, Warmth, and To Be Seen.

Early in your career, you are best served by saying yes to everything. With age, you adopt a hell yes policy and stop doing things unless they are a hell yes. I’m at the point where I can say “no” to things that don’t align with my values. It’s called retirement.

 

5. I work on my mind every day

Of all the things I miss most, it is my mind. After 40, intelligence stalls, but you better understand concepts in general. Seriously you young folk out there you are objectively smarter but don’t know how to use it, yet.

Because work on your mind every day. Get a little better every day. A book or a poem. Meditation. Yoga. Running. Mindfulness has proven health benefits.

 

6. I am kind

It is just as easy to be kind as rude.

 

7. I do not let other people treat me poorly

People only treat you as well as you treat yourself. Self-love allows others to love you. I do not let other people treat me poorly because I practice self-care.

8. I put myself first

Because I put myself first, I cut toxicity out of my life. Tolerating other people’s poor treatment after a full day of caring for others is a lot. We care for others so much of the day that we need to put ourselves first every day, at least for something. Make it a quality something.

9. I am 100% responsible for the quality of my life

Who will do it if you are unwilling to make your life great? I am 100% responsible for having a good life. No one else can make it happen.

Quality is where you find it in your authentic self. It can only happen when you find truth and joy in living in this present moment, where you can find quality.

 

10. I observe, not judge

Comparison is the thief of joy.

 

11. I ask for what I want and express how I feel

Be careful how you get your dopamine. Too much social media or watching the “news” will rot your brain. Take the time instead to understand yourself, ask what you want, and express what you feel.

If you don’t decide what you want, others will. They are happy to tell you what to think and what to want.

When I ask for what I want, I am honest and vulnerable. I ask for what I want and say what I feel. It’s not okay to practice anxious or avoidant attachment styles anymore. It’s okay to be authentic and love yourself.

12. I take the benefits and leave the baggage

You decide what things mean to you. Victors write history.

Choose benefits, not baggage. Define what your history means to you.

 

13. I don’t seek other’s approval

Stop people pleasing and showing off to fit in. You don’t even need your mother’s approval.

Just your own. I accept myself fully. Self-acceptance leads to self-love and the ability to love others. Loving others is a positive feedback loop to self-love.

 

14. I can only control my mind and my emotions

In every life, some rain will fall, and suffering is inevitable—Death, Betrayal, Abandonment, Divorce, Death of a Child, Retirement. There are a lot of words that don’t describe the actual suffering you feel when it happens to you.

Nevertheless, you are defined by how well you deal with pain.

Men, especially, respond with anger because it is the only socially acceptable emotion for us to have. They don’t notice it until—bang—it goes from irritation or irritability to a full-blown adrenal storm.

Anger seldom has good results, but it was what Dad did. And what we see in other men.

Anger is often a secondary emotion. Shame or some other fear drives the elephant. When you learn I can only control my mind and my emotions, you figure out the primary feeling in your body and head off the emotion destined to follow.

 

15. My highest goal is fulfillment

Fulfillment is enjoyment, fleeting satisfaction, and purpose.

Enjoyment is a flow-like state. What pleases you when you accept and like yourself and want to please your internal self without consideration of external markers of success? What makes you happy?

Satisfaction is fleeting but necessary. Some large successes are fulfilling, but some are an express tunnel toward the hedonic treadmill.

Instead, take a step forward daily where you can and find purpose.

 

16. Progress, not perfection

This reminds me of the debate about the fixed vs. growth mindset. Spoiler alert: you are supposed to have a growth mindset.

Progress, not perfection, is a growth mindset and means:

• Intelligence and ability can improve
• Instead of showing off or looking smart, you can learn something every day
• Embrace challenges and expect obstacles
• Mastery is a process
• Find inspiration and lessons in the success of others
• Progress leads to achievement.

 

17. The Journey into Yourself—your purpose and inner fulfillment

This is the point of self-love. It is a journey. You into yourself. The journey is the purpose of your life and leads to inner fulfillment. Accept life and find your own 17 rules of self-love.

Self-love helps answer the twin questions of what you have to offer and what you are here to do.

Find your purpose and inner fulfillment.

Inner fulfillment is accepting and authentic. It is self-acceptance and surrendering to life as best you can. The journey into yourself is finding a daily practice.